Trivia NYC/DSO Media

Episode Three of America’s Most Smartest Model ratchets up the tension a little bit, which I really didn’t expect. I mean, people are starting to really hate each other’s guts.

Good.

* * *

You know, this might be the best time to start watching a show like America’s Most Smartest Model, even better than the absolute beginning of the show. The deadest of the deadwood has been removed, the contestants have started to run together a little bit, the trolls are learning where the buttons are on everyone else, the people who want to get laid are starting to pick each other out of the herd, and everyone, the organizers included, has developed a feel for the way the game is going down. The next few episodes will probably be the best this show gets, so now’s as good time as any to get on this train. End of sales pitch.

We begin Episode Three just after the end of the last episode, where all the remaining models are having a little celebration. Seems they didn’t put a number lock on the liquor cabinet, and we get a nice product placement moment for a decent grade of tequila. The room is full of excited chatter about doing body shots. Angela says she’ll do a body shot, but only off a girl. It’s true, boys are icky. Aussie Rachael calls the day “grueling,” which is a total understatement, considering each of them had completed an entire half hour of modeling today. Yeah, it’s check-out time. José Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.

Angela finally finds a willing body shot vector in Blonde Rachel, who could dispense multiple shots at once by letting the sweet fermented nectar of the agave plant settle in the indentations in her torso like puddles after a rainstorm, where eager horndogs could partake like piglets at feeding time. (Pickel talks about how sexually frustrated she is over a montage of her fanning her expansive sternum while surrounded by a half-dozen people bent over her, and rubbing up against VJ like a bear marking territory, screaming “Wait, do we have condoms?” to no one in particular.)

A crisp shiny penny for you if you can guess who the only contestant is who is not at the party. That’s right. Andre is in the kitchen, having found the hidden encyclopedia from the day before, and staying just close enough to the action to keep himself irritated and on-camera without having to resort to communing with the lumpenproletariat. He sits close enough to be discovered by the group, which he clearly needs to do, so when they come by and ask him why he’s studying, he can sniff back at them. “Is this like some kind of Let’s Fuck With Andre Soviet Day? Or, Week?” You know, if Rudy Giuliani has 9/11 Tourette">Rudy Giuliani has 9/11 Tourette" />#8217;s, then Andre may just have the Soviet strain. We shouldn’t mock. We should reach out to him in this his hour of need.

Clearly, Aussie Rachael is trying. Poor kid. “We just want to get to know you better.” Andre takes a deep sigh, like he’s been carrying the world on his toned little shoulders, and he turns his voice a quarter turn, pounding the kitchen table for emphasis. “You don’t. Fuck. With the Russians!” he says, while Jesse hears the now-familiar notes of Andre losing his shit and giggles. That was all Andre needed. “America is a country that is subdeveloped. You have no fucking sandals and then you ride camels!” Jesse and Rachael exchange puzzled smirks. “You call this fucking Democracy? Fuck you guys,” he yells at the top of Jesse’s head as Jesse examines some kind of TV dinner box. Daniel, who’s been silent through this whole thing, starts giggling uncontrollably. (One of the upsides to being so scrawny is that you become a very cheap drunk.) “I just don’t understand why you live in America. That’s just what I don’t get,” he can’t stop tee-heeing like a nine-year-old girl. With a PhD.

Andre is fully stretched and warmed up to the subject now. He turns to Daniel, clearly the intellectual giant of the group and thus his only worthy adversary, and goes into I Will Break You mode, and not for the last time today. “Why the fuck do you get involved in my problems?”

“I don’t know. I guess sometimes what you say is outstandingly ridiculous, and I just can’t keep my mouth shut.”

To which Andre, the only one not drinking, literally sticks his fingers in his ears and starts yelling LA LA LA LA LA.

Cut to maybe a few seconds later. Clearly a certain specific case of American Idiocy has been brought up, because Andre is up in 4th gear. “So why the fuck are these guys not going on trial? Why? Tell me why! Because they’re American, their blood is more expensive than anyone else’s? Fuck that!” (Aussie Rachael whispers “Lower your voice,” but he wasn’t planted on booked for this show to speak in a conversational tone. As he becomes less and less comprehensible, he pounds the table harder and harder, and clearly the nice folks in post had fun making the whole room shake with every smack of the table. There’ll be lots of work for them on Court TV and the Nancy Grace show after this is over.) As Daniel pouts about “negativity for the sake of negativity” to the camera and Aussie Rachael delivers a soundbite about being childish, Torso Rachel, who’d been humping the arm of the couch so fervently that she hadn’t noticed that the party had moved to the kitchen, walks in at the end of the exchange and whimpers, “That was intense.”

Generic skyline/half-moon transition to the bedrooms. VJ & Pickel are trying to convince the Rachels to have a sleepover party tonight. Torso Rachel is not only in, they have to blur her chest because her nipples are so erect, while Aussie Rachael stands there in her underwear and waits for Pickel to finish his sales pitch. They pan over to the third bed, which Daniel and Lisa seem to be sharing (well, Daniel is clinging to Lisa’s midsection like she’s a piece of driftwood from the Titanic), cutting back across the room just as Torso Rachel pulls her shirt back down.

Blonde Rachel, to the camera: “When you don’t have a companion, it’s nice to have someone who is there to cuddle with you… at that point, we had this connection, so for us to sleep together in the same bed was very nice.” I just noticed: she doesn’t blink, at least not the way humans do. Her eyelids kind of open and close independently of each other, like they shot each half of her face separately and then spliced them together. I’m starting to wonder if everyone on this show has some slight level of brain damage. Including the hosts.

Next morning around seven, Pickel is the first one up, which means he has to negotiate the new keypad code puzzles first. He goes to the fridge for “some orange juice, that’s all I want, just a glass of orange juice. I’m not high maintenance or nothing, that’s it,” he slurs to the camera, voice still sticky from sleep. The fridge code is: “One half of 1,393,938.” That’s relatively tricky compared to some of the other daily keypad challenges, but it’d be doable if there was any scratch paper or writing utensils in the kitchen. Pickel, muching away on a banana, moans audibly while he tries to figure out what to do. Finally, in what I have to admit is a true stroke of inspiration, he pulls out a knife and starts writing the calculations out on the banana peel. Soon, he runs out of room, so he has to eat another banana just to have more scratch paper.

It’s worth noting that Pickel was smart enough to figure out a Macguyver-level trick for writing out a math problem, but not quite smart enough to get it right. Two bananas later, he leaves the kitchen, unjuiced, lonesome and driftin’.

Jesse gets up an hour later and, resigned and bleary-eyed, heads straight to the treadmill. No one else gets up until the sun is alarmingly high in the sky.

The Edge Challenge appears, and Brett gives reading it a shot. That’s good. Reading is fundamental, don’t you know.

Models!
Today, it’s the Battle of the Bulge. You’ll have to expand your mind to avoid expanding your waistline. Meet Ben & me in the living room in one hour for the Edge Challenge and bring your intellect, because one of you will be going home tonight.
- Mary Alice

Mandy Lynn, who was picked on early and often in the first two episodes, has escaped early detection so far this week thanks to the drinkery and sluttery in Rachel-land. That’s about to change. “I was definitewy inpimidated a wittle bit. I thought, Baddle ovva Bulge, you know, workin’ out. And I thought, Oh, damn, I hate workin’ out.” For the first time, no giggle at the end. She means it this time.

In one of the ante rooms, Daniel is lecturing the walls about Andre. “He doesn’t know anything about true Russian culture… there’s been amazing changes after the collapse of the Soviet Union.” Aussie Rachael, dressed in a very green outfit with a bright green belt as wide as a cummerbund, doesn’t know about politics at all, and doesn’t care. “I think he’s got a really short temper and a short fuse, and he sparks easily, and I don’t like people raising their voice to me.” This footage is cut with shots of Andre sleeping restlessly, the great Russian Bear about to wake from hibernation in search of food. The music goes distinctly darker. “He’s distinctly disrespectful to women,” Daniel feels the need to tell the women in the house, because that’s the one thing they would never have picked up on. (Silly wabbit. That’s what women like about him. Otherwise he’d change, you goof!)

I didn’t know the layout of the house meant that Andre could actually hear this whole discussion from his bed. Before he even sits up, he’s already starting. “Oh, did I hurt your feelings? I’m so sorry I hurt your feelings,” he shouts down the hall. For the third time this episode, he goes to camera to talk about how he will never back down: “I do not want my name in [Daniel’s] mouth… Yeah, the fucking Russian is coming!” he yells, as he comes down the hallway. He really sees Daniel as being his biggest opposition in the house. I don’t know if that’s true, but hey, great conflagrations after the break!

* * *

Right out of a Glade commercial into Andre bursting into the room and getting on Daniel. “What’s your fucking problem? You wanna get fucking laid out?” Daniel, sitting on a stool facing Lisa & Aussie Rachael, will not look him in the face. Honestly, he’s kind of a passive-aggressive dick here himself. He slumps further, his body language all about turning turtle against the attack. You wanna take him on, punk? Stand up to him, or at least face him.

It’s VH1, so there is more expletives being bleeped than dialogue. But Andre is right in Daniel’s face, or at least the side of his head. “What’s your problem? What’s your fucking problem? You talk about me behind my back?” Daniel, like he does whenever he gets nervous, starts giggling again. Aussie Rachael (”Andre, we didn’t invite you to this conversation”) isn’t helping. Andre compares yesterday’s invasion of his personal space to today’s backroom discussion (they literally are in a back room somewhere; this isn’t the kitchen or any of the other common areas that I’ve seen elsewhere in the show), and despite the fact that he has pretty much let his rage go full-bore, he does have a point. He’s done himself no favors with the group, but they cooperated in boxing him out of their little clique. In fact, that whole dynamic happened so neatly over the last two-plus episodes that I suspect this is what he wanted the whole time. He literally is screaming in Daniel’s ear, and Daniel is tittering away, still not facing him. Nice work.

Amid all this, Jesse comes in from his latest workout, shirtless, his belly hanging over his sweats. The cameraman gets Andre, Daniel & him in a nice three-shot. No class, no balls, no abs.

When Andre says his piece, Daniel starts his yelling jag, and you can see the stark difference between Andre’s focused rage and Daniel’s yapping. Andre’s voice goes down when he gets mad, which I’m sure he learned from his KGB father’s interrogation training. Daniel sounds like a petulant drag queen who just got turned down for a part in the latest Charles Busch production.

So after the drama, there’s the Edge Challenge, “Brain Binge!” Down to the Judgement Room, where Ben notices that everyone looks a little worn out. He may or may not have known about the drinking the night before, but he & Mary Alice had to have heard the screaming match that just ended upstairs a few seconds before. Each of the models has a table with a covered plate on it with two types of food: celery and twinkies. Ben will ask each person a 2-part trivia question (thanks again, Ben, for making this show relevant to this blog in some miniscule way). If they get the first part wrong, they have to eat the twinkies, but if they get the first half right, they only have to eat the celery. And if they get the second half of the question right, they can give the twinkies to the opposing model of their choice, who has to eat it themselves. (I guess if you’re that skinny, this is a big deal, but what the hell. If I was forced to eat a twinkie and then keep my 8-pack and my 0.5% body fat down, um, that’s what working out is all about, homey. Welcome to my lardass life.)

Andre: “I have a specific diet, with eggs and rice and beans and stuff.” (Cut to the pilot episode, where he took off his jacket to show off his completely ripped body, except they’ve slowed down the footage, made it grainy, and played an operatic chorus behind it) “…so I’m planning on not eating anything.” You know, it’s just nice to hear him talk about something other than how he’s going to fucking destroy someone, or how all Americans are weak. I’ll take what I can get here.

The Callback Challenge this afternoon is a high-impact fitness audition. On cue, cut to Jesse: “Great. so I’m on a diet, I’m working out, and now I have to eat Twinkies. That’s fucked up.” Hang in there, buddy.

He goes first, and gets that the Star Spangled Banner is the national anthem, but unfortunately, did not know it wasn’t in fact written by Luther Vandross. That’s fine. Celery for him. He’s safe for the moment.

Andre (or as Ben calls him, “Comrade!”) gets the role of red blood cells in the body, and also gets white blood cells, so he gives his Twinkies to Daniel. Of course. While Daniel chows down, Mary Alice gives us the nutritional information on these things. 362 calories, 12 grams of fat, and 56 grams of carbs! That’s like eating one and a half deep-fried Olsen twins!

Daniel goes next. How random! Daniel gets both his questions right, picks up his plate of Twinkies, walks right at Andre, and then drops them on Jesse’s table instead. “It’s a competition, right?” Jesse looks at him and laughs the laugh of you-son-of-a-bitch. Och, the psychodrama! Jesse calls Daniel a bitch to the camera, and then to Torso Rachel, who doesn’t know that Australian is not actually a language. Cut to Aussie Rachael, who laughs and gives her the what-language-have-I-been-speaking-all-this-time look. She eats the Twinkies, which triple her body weight. Lisa misses her question about diamonds, so she tastes pastry too.

I had to rewind the episode to check, but nowhere did they say that there was actually three rounds of this. Well, there are three rounds of this. Round two involves a rice cake and some chocolate cake, and questions about weight. Brett gets “What weighs more, Oprah on the moon or Oprah on Jupiter?” You get a planet! And you get a planet! And you get a planet! Everyone gets a planet!

Mandy Lynn doesn’t know which weighs more, a ton of rocks or a ton of feathers. She’s not the one they should have been feeding trick questions to. So she has to have her cake and eat it too, and I’m just glad I don’t have to explain that saying to her. Angela gets her question right, and then Mary Alice notics that Mandy Lynn isn’t eating her cake.

“Mandy Lynn, come on, for god’s sakes. Eat your cake!” Mandy just looks at her nails. “I have a small tummy. Really, I’m so full.”

Ben scolds her, kind of harshly. “Mandy, if you do not expeditiously eat that cake, you’re going to be barred from the Callback Challenge. Now, will you quickly eat that cake?”

And thus we got some insight into Mandy Lynn’s upbringing. She’s a certain kind of Long Island girl (I know they’re everywhere, but some places are more rife with them than others), one that stopped eating upon entering high school, and so her stomach eventually shriveled (Jesse: “Eat the damn cake.”) down to the size of a walnut. She’d been (Brett: “Come on., Eat the cake, dude.”) trained to believe that if something was sweet, it was (Pickel: “Eat the damn cake, and shut up!”) not to be eaten, and so when faced with a substantial piece of rich chocolate cake, she was (Roger Rabbit: “P-p-p-p-pleeease, Mandy, eat the cake!”) physically unable to eat it. She is thus excluded from the Callback Challenge. Much tut-tutting about this to the camera by the others.

Lisa gets her questions right, and promptly brings her cake (”640 calories, 31g of fat, and 65g of carbs!”) to Andre, somehow resisting the urge to smear it in his face. Aussie Rachael gets hers right, and she brings her cake (”Payback’s a bitch! Tee hee!”) to Andre as well. Brett gets his right too, and soon Andre’s table runneth over with cake. Mandy Lynn looks at him from across the room, her face as green as Aussie Rachael’s belt, though not with envy.

Round three is pancakes. Blonde Rachel goes first this round, and gives the best answer of the night. “Who shot John F. Kennedy?” “Um, ummm… … … ummmmm… Brad?” Even Ben, famous for being the most deadpan guy in the world, cracks up. “Yes, it was Brad! He did it because he was so mad at Ashley for breaking up with him!”

The game ends with more lamentations about the abject failure of Mandy Lynn, about whom they had so much hope, and who essentially signed her own death warrant today, but everyone has been given fresh workout wear upstairs, and the Callback Challenge begins in an hour.

* * *

Mandy Lynn is contrite: “Even though I am disqualified from the next challenge, I decided I’d go outside and jump around with everyone else. Right now I’m hoping that she’s gonna see that I’m making attempts and she’ll take that into consideration.”

The doorbell rings, and Mandy answers the door to find a package with her name on it. The note reads: “Mandy Lynn, why don’t you use your extra time to improve your looks? I think this would be a great color for you.” It’s the long-promised dark hair coloring. Only problem is, she’s never colored her hair by herself before. Somehow I think she’ll figure it out. She’s got more streaks in her hair than a messy auto mechanic, and while she may have never done anything solo before, she’ll figure this out. She’ll have to if she wants to any chance whatsoever to stay in the house after her cake aversion incident earlier.

So the Callback Challenge begins, and Andre is woozy from eating a ton of cake, though everyone else looks varying degrees of okay. Mary Alice introduces the fitness expert that’s going to lead everyone through their paces, and hey! It’s Gilad! (I’ve made feeble attempts at working out at home, and every time I turn on FitTV, Gilad’s there screaming at me. Running outside on a track is easy and often even fun, even. But doing jumping jacks and punching the air to techno in my living room? I’d rather eat glass.)

Daniel is “extremely excited!” to see Gilad. (Cue soft-focus effect on Daniel clapping his hands and jumping with glee over seeing a soft-focus Gilad. Guys, that’s a little over the top, isn’t it?) Turns out he’s casting for his new fitness video, and the winner of the Callback Challenge today gets not just immunity, but a trip to Hawaii to star in one of his DVDs. Now see, that sounds more like a real prize than anything else they’ve given out so far.

You knew Mary Alice was going to ask: “Mandy Lynn, why are you here? This isn’t going to count for you.”

“Well, I thought it was better than sitting in the room by myself, even if I can’t win.”

Gilad saves the moment. “That’s the spirit.” Everyone decides to agree, even though there isn’t a place for her on the stage area, and Mary Alice retires to a lawn chair with a glass of champagne to watch the action.

They start slowly. Gilad has Mandy count off, despite the fact that she’s so completely not a fitness buff that she’s out of breath and hopelessly behind from the jump. Everyone else is holding up okay; the women are generally better, which I’m assuming comes from them being in aerobics classes more often, but even Andre is managing to keep pace, doing especially well in the boxing segment. Of course. Jesse thinks he’s the weaker link, but Torso Rachel and Andre, both of whom had more than one serving of cake (and at least one of whom was on her period, thanks for sharing), are lagging worse then him. Jesse’s even pasting a smile on, which he’s so not feeling. Gilad mocks him, but it’s good natured.

Mandy Lynn, however, is fading fast. “I don’t work out at all, so I started to get tired, and I couldn’t keep up, and I didn’t want to keep up, I didn’t want to be working out anymore…” so she asks permission to go inside and do her hair, and Mary Alice purses her lips, and waves her in.

(You may have noticed I’ve stopped making fun of her silicone-lip Lawn Guyland accent. She was already on thin ice before she quit on both ends of today’s festivities. Whatever she does with her hair, she might want to pack her stuff while she’s upstairs.)

The challenge goes on. Gilad wraps up the group portion, and starts the one-on-ones, where each model comes up and leads a routine right at the camera with the current Dean of American Fitness a few feet away. For the models who are into fitness, this is a huge deal.

They’ve made little splash graphics for each model: Sweat With Brett!, Abs Aussie Style, Rachel’s Slightly Disturbing Workout Show (Ha!), Pickel Power, Jesse’s Low-Impact Workout (”I’m a little heavier, so I’m going a little slower, like this, see?”), It’s Daniel! (with more jumping up & down & clapping; did he come out to the group today and they didn’t include it in the show?), and of course I MUST BREAK YOU with Andre.

The consensus is that Brett has the inside track. Andre: “Brett has the perfect smile, and he’s always happy, and this shit is right down his alley.”

Gilad narrows it down to two: Brett and Aussie Rachael. Both are clearly well-versed in fitness classes, and either could do it. Daniel sulks, thinking he did okay, even though he really didn’t.

* * *

Aussie Rachael: “I don’t believe necessarily that men have more stamina than women, but I do think Brett has more stamina than me,” she smiles apologetically. She really is the only genuinely attractive one on the show.

He gives the two of them one more routine, and then leaves them to throw it to each other and work together. Clearly, Rachael is doing better than Brett at this point as far as energy, but Brett’s form is stronger. The group consensus was that Rachael killed it, but Gilad disagrees, choosing Brett as the winner of this challenge.

VJ: “Nobody else admitted it, but hey, bro, you didn’t do that good. Rachael absolutely murdered you in that challenge.” Unfortunately, he made the mistake of saying so in front of Brett, and Brett decided to throw a hissy fit about it. They both call each other whining babies, declare they won’t associate with each other, and the drama llama seems to have fully moved into the building. Hoo-wah.

Jesse still thinks he did poorly and he’s going home, despite Mandy Lynn still being upstairs. If he gets purged after what she did today, well, that ain’t right. Torso Rachel is thinking the same thing, but Mandy Lynn, with her new dark hair (which looks good, actually, and the other women agree enthusiastically), is holding out a faint hope that it’s not her. She still doesn’t sound all that aware of the fact that she already quit the competition. Even, say, Rachael, who won yesterday, should have won today, and is starting to look like someone who could win this whole thing, would not be able to survive that kind of a meltdown, and Mandy was on thin ice before this. But the dark hair looks good.

* * *

Judgement Room time. There’s more tension tonight than the first two nights. Some serious rifts in the group have sapped most players of their goodwill toward the others. Factions have formed. The tension mounts. On with the body count.

Mary Alice: “Ben, take a look at Mandy Lynn’s hair!”

Stop. Wait a second. Take a look at Mary Alice’s hair! Between this afternoon and this evening, she lopped off fully six inches of it. Shouldn’t she have done that before they started the series? I mean, at this point we’re only three days into taping. Why didn’t she do this three days earlier? What, Alberto VO5 is the sponsor for this, they couldn’t spring for a friggin’ stylist so the hosts looked right beforehand? She looks fine now, but it’s, well, it’s very different. Also, she’s wearing an outfit that looks like someone stapled hairbrushes to the outside of a little black dress. There’s little prickly cylinders sticking out in every direction. Hm.

While we’re all being catty, Ben asks Mandy Lynn about where she got her outfit, and they show her in full for the first time, and she’s dolled up like she’s going to Mulcahy’s on a Friday night to see Native Tongue: A Tribute To Poison or something. Slashed skirt, bustier, boobs on full display, fuck-me pumps, very how-ya-doing. This is someone who’s going out on her own terms, which is good, because as a high fashion model, she’s been kind of a failure.

Mary Alice calls down Andre first. As he walks down to Mary Alice & Ben, the other models exchange excited glances. Could it be? Could they be so lucky? “Andre, you had a hard day today.” “Yes, ma’am.” “You had to eat a lot of food during the Brain Binge, and it had to do with the fact that your other cast members, they…” Ben steps in. “They don’t like you, Andre.” Mary Alice shrugs agreement. “What’s going on?”

Andre doesn’t look up. “It’s complicated. I come from a different culture, I’ve seen the world. Both my parents were diplomats –”

Ben explodes. “They’re diplomats? If they’re diplomats, they’re used to getting along with people! Didn’t they teach you to get along with people?”

“They teach me to stand by my beliefs and try to understand other people’s views and –”

“Well, do you think that you would have had all these people mad at you if you tried to understand their beliefs?”

“We… we agree to disagree –”

“I don’t think you agreed to disagree, I think you tried to bully and threaten them and they pushed back and you –”

“That is a lie.”

“That’s a lie?” (Cut to the footage of Andre screaming at Daniel from this morning. That’s the downside of cameras everywhere, dawg. They capture shit.)

Mary Alice finds a way back into the conversation. “Andre, I will not tolerate you being disrespectful to others, as I would not tolerate any of you being disrespectful to Andre… Take that anger, that temper, and use it to work for you, not to sabotage you.”

As he goes back to the group, he mutters, almost under his breath, “You… you look amazing, by the way.” He may not know his own strength, but his aim is true.

* * *

Now the actual elimination begins. Jesse, Mandy Lynn and Torso Rachel are called down. None of them are surprised. Mary Alice starts with Rachel, who seems relieved, because whoever she talks to first never goes home. They better vary that, or else people are going to get used to it. Rachel stunk at the Brain Binge, and did poorly in the callback challenge. As bad as she feels about it, VJ seems genuinely scared. I mean, if she gets purged tonight, she’s going to leave the house, go to a honky tonk, and bring ten truckers back to a hotel room to blow off some steam. VJ, on the other hand, is stuck sharing a room with a guy named Pickel. Who’s got the better deal, I ask you?

But yeah, she’s staying at least one more day. “I’m not done snuggling up with VJ,” she blinks one eye, then the other. Whatever, Estrus can be such a drag.

Mandy Lynn is dumb, it’s true, but she’s dumb like a fox. Ben: “You’ve got a great figure, you’re beautiful, there’s no question about that, but as far as being America’s Smartest… Model… I… uh…”

While he was talking, Mandy brushed her hair off her cleavage and adjusted her bustier, and it stopped Ben cold. He completely lost his train of thought. Mary Alice, to her credit, just let him twist in the wind for a full five seconds. Jesse was afraid to look at anything aside from a spot on the floor three feet in front of him, but you could see his mind racing. It was a nice final moment of funny in an otherwise harrowing episode.

Finally, Mary Alice saves him. “Excuse me, Ben. Let’s talk about Jesse. Jesse. You give me that Jesse look, like you’ve got all the confidence in the world…” Ben jumps in: “But you’re not being smart enough! You’re not getting enough questions right!” “…and I’m not 100% convinced you could even model. You’re going to have to really lose a lot of weight.”

Cut to Jesse, who’s really feeling the body image issues every day. He’s really starting to crack. He sobs uncontrollably from this point through the end of the episode.

Mary Alice ends by claiming it’s a tie, that they both should be purged, but they can only get rid of one. So like Hannibal at the Battle of Zama, Mandy Lynn is vanquished. She gets some nice testimonials on the way out, though. She really was sweet and nice and good natured and beautiful in her way, but she really wasn’t cut out for this competition. Oh, Mandy. You came and you gave without taking. But they sent you away. Oh, Mandy.

One parting shot, though, in the driveway of the house, as she pulls the bustier down to where it was probably supposed to be: “If you were me, would you cover up these? I mean, come on! Show it off! If you’ve got it, flaunt it!”

And with that, she giggles, happily, ditzily, trashily.

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